What is my self-worth?

photos courtesy of unsplash.com

What is self-worth? Speaking literally, self-worth is how one emotionally and behaviorally views themselves. When I dig deeper, though, self-worth goes far beyond.

I am a 19-year-old college student who has been blessed far beyond measures, and I struggle to find value in my self-worth more than words can express.

I surround myself with encouraging friends, I have the most caring family in the entire world and I even leave inspirational notes around my college dorm to encourage myself. So, why is it that I still view myself as valueless?

I put my identity in the wonderful world of the Internet.

I was recently talking with someone about media, and they said to me, “social media has messed us up.” I thought about this for so long after hearing it. Our society is reliant upon unrealistic expectations given to us on social media.

Far too many times have I compared myself to someone on Instagram. If only I could look like that seems to be a constant thought in my brain. Comparison is a tool of the devil, and I’m constantly falling under the spell of insecurity about my appearance.

I also put my self-worth in my relationship status.

It’s difficult to be at an age where so many people are becoming engaged. While I adore looking at engagement photos, I can’t help but experience longing when I see them. It takes a lot of vulnerability to write this, but I want everyone who can relate to the loneliness that comes with waiting to know that he/she is not alone.

I put my self-worth in how many mistakes I’ve made.

Like I said before, I’m 19-years-old. Being so young comes with its fair share of mistakes made. Sometimes, I’ll get stuck inside of my own mind, in a loop that goes over every little mistake I’ve made. This leads to discouragement with me telling myself I can never overcome that.

Despite the inner-battles I’m fighting, I am certain of a few things. I am not defined by my insecurities, I am not defined by a man and I am not defined by my mistakes.

My self-worth is defined by who I am in Christ. My physical appearance doesn’t matter, because I was called to live like Christ, and to not buckle under pressures placed on my shoulders by society.

It doesn’t matter what I did yesterday, or who I’ll date in the future, because those things will never determine who I am as a person.

Valuing self-worth is a hard concept to grasp but it will never be unattainable.

I put off making a blog and writing this for months. I struggle a lot, and I’m not afraid to say that. Struggle is an essential part of growth, and it is more than okay to experience it. Weakness springs growth and strength, both of which are important in determining self-worth.  

There is so much value inside of me. Some days it’s virtually impossible to sense it, but that’s okay. I am strong, I am powerful and I am worth so much more than my failures.

Taylor Deaton

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