Here’s a quick life update.

So, it’s been a bit over 3 months since I started this blog (which is insane). I’m really proud of myself for using this as a healthy outlet to deal with my feelings, and hopefully to help others deal with theirs. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with a read, comment, or sweet encouragement.

With that being said, let’s jump into vulnerability. There are still so many things I wish I was better at. I wish I was good at coping with things. May 17 will be 5 months since I lost my grandpa. I’ve been really bitter this week, and I assume that this is why.

My biggest flaw is selfishness. It has been for as long as I can remember and being selfless is something I strive for daily. The harsh reality of this is that selfishness and coping with tragedy do NOT go hand-in-hand. In fact, being selfish ups the difficulty of grief.

So, due to the realization that running from my problems is selfish, I want to go over some truths about coping with hardship.

Everything takes time. When we lose people, the expression “it takes time” gets very tiring to hear, but it’s a fact. Do not rush the grieving process and do not become frustrated with yourself for taking a little longer than others. That is NOT selfish. Something I’ve had to come to terms with is the fact that I’m not alone in it.

Let others be there for you. Right after my grandpa passed, my best friend had to come drag me out of bed. I turned into the nastiest type of person. I was angry, hurt, and full of bitterness that I didn’t (and sometimes still don’t) know how to cope with. This turned me into the most selfish person in the world. I wanted to do everything for myself.

5 months later I’ve realized that I need to rely on my family and my friends to help me, and that’s okay. It’s okay to need help. There’s no place for selfishness in grieving.

Show emotion. It can be really difficult to share your feelings, but it’s extremely beneficial. Sharing my feelings always takes weight off my chest and helps me come to terms with my situation. Having no emotions breeds a dangerous type of person.

Accept that it’s going to hurt. I’m not very good at accepting the truth when I don’t want to hear it. There will always be pain from missing my grandpa. There will always be pain from the details of his death, but that’s just it. It’s the truth and I have to understand that. It’s always going to hurt, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t get easier. Let’s practice saying my favorite phrase. This won’t last forever.

I wasn’t really sure what to title this, because it’s a bit random, but I’m praying that someone can benefit from my jumbled up thoughts. We were not created to be alone, so we don’t have to suffer through tragedy alone.

My semester is finished, it’s summertime, and I am surrounded by people who love me and want to see me thrive. Surround yourself with the same, because selfishness is a silent killer. The person that I am at this exact moment isn’t who I wish to remain forever. I won’t be that person. Growth from grief is a real thing, and selfishness can be overcome.

Taylor Deaton

One thought on “Coping

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