Identity crisis

I’ve been searching for validation. Not in the sense of “should I write about this” or “does my outfit look okay” but on a much more obsessive level. I’ve been looking for validation for everything.

This has to do with an overflow of self-image issues that I’ve battled for such a long time, but lately it’s been consuming me. The worst part is I know exactly why I’ve been struggling, but I haven’t done anything to change it.

I’ve been searching, and searching, and searching for validation in every aspect of my life. Validation that I’m good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, and worthy enough. I’ve been searching for this validation through people.

I’ve been listening to what other people say about me instead of what my Savior says about me.

A few days ago, I deleted my Snapchat as a first step of letting go of my problem. I’m honestly mad at myself for ever seeing the appeal of Snapchat, especially when it’s used to send meaningless pictures back and forth without holding an actual conversation with friends.

That’s kind of sad to say, but it got to the point where I would spend more time worrying about what I looked like in a 10 second picture than I worried about anything else.

You see, when someone tells me that I look nice, it feels good for a minute but is quickly pushed to the back of my brain when the need for more validation comes forward again.

I was still really upset with myself after deleting my Snapchat. It’s kind of frustrating, because in my mind I figured that if I got rid of the source of my problem it would automatically go away.

This was NOT the case and my heart was really heavy. That night, my devotional was out of Colossians chapter 3. The first three verses smacked me in the face when I read them.

Colossians 3:1-3 read, “So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”

This VERY SAME NIGHT my brother texted me and told me to remember the beauty God instilled in us by choosing us to be in His Kingdom. Y’all this is SO good.

It was the confirmation I needed to know I was going to be okay, because my validation is found in Christ.

When God tells me I am beautiful, He means it, because God saw His creation and saw that it was good. He created me and He is proud of me.

When I doubt my ability to excel in things (like Earth science), God reminds me that “wisdom is better than jewels, and nothing desirable can equal it” (Proverbs 8:11).

Whenever I feel the need to please people and gain their approval, God’s word reminds me that my eyes aren’t on this world.

Worldly things, bad and Kingdom things, good. God really dumbed it down for me because I’m stubborn and wasn’t getting it.

Until we start seeking out the Kingdom of God and stop placing our worth in things on this (temporary) Earth, we will never achieve true happiness.

Jesus loves us with a love so fierce that we should never worry about feeling invalid.  

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